Getting Married in Your 30s = The Best

Us by Fer Juaristi


I know that I am a little biased since this is my current situation but seriously, getting married in your thirties is the best.

Jess & Josh |
Us at Clough Club in Vancouver, BC | Us being goofs in at the Sutro Bath Ruins in San Francisco, California

You Know Yourself
You have lived through your teenage years. You survived the wild decade of your twenties and now you’re here as a thirty-something year old. You know stuff.  You survived school. You got a real adult job. Maybe you started your own business (ah-hem!). You have a real adult home that is not full of Ikea furniture (maybe!) and you have money to spend on that nice pair of jeans or that fifteen dollar cocktail. But more importantly, you’ve experienced stuff. You have dated other people. Maybe you have been married to other people. (Heck, most of those closest to me are divorcees!)  But you knew that those relationships would not work and now that you are getting married in your thirties, you know that this one is right. You know what you like and what you don’t like. You know what you are worthy of and you are not going to settle for anything less. You got this. Your gut tells you so and you are finally listening to them after living for years prior ignoring them. Guts know and now you (finally!) know. When I first dated Josh in 1998, I wrote in my diary that I loved him a lot but that I felt we were supposed to meet later in life after we have both done our own thing for a while. What a smart teenager I was because fast-forward fourteen years and we were reunited. It is as though I knew our thirties would be better. That it would be the right time.

No Need for Silly Showers or Fundraisers or Mom-interventions
You live on your own together. You have a home of your own that you may even own. You have your own routine and life that includes the two of you just like real adults. You work, you pay bills, you come home and you make dinner together. You already own everything that you need to live so there is no need to hold bridal showers or the such. You have a complete kitchen and sheets for your bed (even spare ones in that linen closet. Yes, you have one of those too!). You have had all of these things for years. You do not have to make your friends shell out their hard-earned money to buy you a new toaster. They can keep their money for themselves to spend as they would on their own adult selves. There is no need to waste money on necessities, especially when there are so many great causes out there where the money would go much further (evidence here, here, here and here, to name a few). There is no need to hold a fundraiser for your wedding when you are in your thirties because, you’re an adult. If you’re choosing to throw a party of any scale, you are responsible enough to know how you can financially do so. You have a plan to pay for it and that plan will not include going into debt for simply one day. Because you are choosing to get married, does not mean that the world should have to support you with their own money. Getting married is a personal choice and paying for that big day, should also be personal. Getting married in your thirties also rules because there are no Mom-interventions. I mean, you have basically been living away from her for the same or even more time than when you lived with her. You’re independent. You’re an adult. You are making your own decisions. It is all so glorious!

Jess & Josh |
Us in Old Havana, Cuba | Us at a wedding in the Distillery District, Toronto

You Get the Wedding You Truly Want
You’re in your thirties and you have been to a ton of weddings by now. Maybe you have been a bridesmaid tens of times already. You have seen it all. You know what you like and what you don’t like when it comes to weddings. You now get to host your own wedding that you will truly love. You like doughnuts better than cake? Go for it! A wedding doesn’t have to have cake. You hate the idea of having a fussy five-course dinner? Then don’t – have a cocktail reception instead.  You hate the idea of wearing a big white dress? Honey, you can wear whatever you want. You got this. You’re smart, experienced and you know what is best for you (and your partner!). This is your chance to throw the best party exactly how you want and that is pretty darn exciting.

You Know It Isn’t the Best Day of Your Life
You know that your wedding is going to be a pretty awesome time. You are putting in a lot of work and thought into it. You’re hoping that everyone is going to notice all of the details and the personal touches. But you also know that this isn’t going to be the best day of your life. You know that it will definitely be a good one but you also know that there are going to be some very awesome days in the future for the two of you. You’re in your thirties, you have new goals in life. And while one of them is to pull off a pretty kickass wedding, the other bigger goal is to have a truly awesome and fulfilling marriage that will last forever and ever. You’re getting married because you have chosen to join officially and forever with someone you love. There is so much more to life after that “big day” and you cannot wait for it.

2 Replies to “Getting Married in Your 30s = The Best”

  1. Well said Jessica. Everyone has their own opinion on what they want for their wedding and sometimes breaking “tradition” is a great idea. Others may choose to do it all and that’s ok. It’s all about what the Bride and Groom want. NOT about what everyone else wants or thinks you should have. Am I offended about the Mom – intervention statement??? Not on your life. It’s YOUR wedding and you are a big girl now in your 30’s and know what you want and you know I am here for you in any way. It’s NOT my wedding and I fully support you in your and Josh’s wedding plans….I am grateful that you didn’t elope though I must say as I don’t want to miss this one. Weddings in your 30’s, 40’s or 50’s I feel it’s all the same …who knows maybe in a person’s 60’s???? I think it’s elope time at that point…Lol..

  2. I love love, the richness of it, the seasons, the beauty, the challenge. Relationships are like gardens and need constant tending and the difference for me in being 35 is that I’m now willing to put in the work. I don’t expect shiny pretty all the time, of course weeds grow, gee sometimes there are more weeds than flowers. And you know what, I trust the seasons, they always change and love blossoms once again. I’ll be 36 when I marry next year, my second marriage. I think I was 21 at my first? And it’s not that I love more now, it’s that I’ve suffered enough in life to know what I truly value. I’ve made friends with most of my dark bits and I’m willing to sit with those bits of me I’m yet to love. I reckon you are the same jbs, and I’m wishing you and jfl the richness of this beautiful life and my deepest heart knows you can navigate any storm, cause you are both real, like the skin horse kind of real from the velveteen rabbitl. All love xoxo

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