Communication. I fully believe that communication is one of the greatest keys to living a good life. With clear communication, most things are possible. But it’s a hard one, isn’t it?
I have been thinking a lot about communication lately, especially as I make some big changes in my life. As a result of these changes, I have been communicating with a lot of people. It’s a juggling act at times but throughout every action, I am adamant about being open in my communication, about telling each person absolutely everything that is involved in whatever we are dealing with. I want to be sure that all expectations are met between both myself and them so there is zero room for disappointment. One of these individuals and I have been having some issues despite all of that. He is from a generation older than me and I realise that this generation is not used to being as open about communication so it’s more difficult for them. But his poor communication, or zero communication with me in this case, was really weighing me down. I told my husband that I was just going to say to this person “Do you have a problem with me?”. He told me “Thems fighting words.” So I worded it slightly differently. I asked him, “Have I done something wrong to you because it feels as though you are quite mad with me?” He looked up from his computer shocked and immediately mumbled “No”. I pushed further. I asked that if he did have an issue or felt that I had wronged him that I would love if he could let me know rather than making a negative environment. While he didn’t respond (literally not a word), I believe that he listened and hopefully the next time we see one another, it’s a better day.
It’s hard to talk about serious things. It’s hard when problems or issues arise. Everyone would much rather live in a world of sunshine and rainbows but that world doesn’t exist and no matter how hard we try, issues will come along. Rather than dealing with them head-on, it often seems much easier to bury those issue. Bury them deep and attempt to move forward. The thing is though, you can never move forward when you are dragging these issues behind you. And the more that you hold onto, the more they slow you down. You will never be a fully satisfied and happy person until you deal with these problems and find a resolution that satisfies you.
Josh and I have hard conversations often. Whenever I feel the need for one brewing, I feel the pit in my stomach. It’s awful but every time I know, that the only way to remove that feeling is by working through it. We have open conversations about everything and through them we push one another beyond comfort zones and after every one of these discussions, we emerge as better people. More whole. Lighter.
When we have an issue with another person and we don’t talk about it, what happens is we then start to create stories about that person. We fill in the gaps of what we do not know with ones that we imagine to be true – what that person really did or said, or what they are thinking right now. This then escalates the issue and it likely becomes it’s own new beast, something full of things that are not even true. The more we know, the less gaps our wild imaginations fill in and the more truthful we all live. My best friend tells me that I am too honest at times. That I have troubles holding back on speaking the truth. Sometimes it hurts people. But it’s truly all I got. I want to live my truth. I want to have clear communication with everyone that I encounter and I want to encourage that out of them as well. The more open and honest we are in our conversations, the better we will all be. If you are holding onto something right now – a grudge, hurt words from a loved one, an incident that left you feeling bad – let that shit go. Talk it out. Write it out. Communicate it out of you in the best way that you can and then more forward. I bet that you will notice that you stand a little taller. Feel a little lighter. That the sun is brighter and that more in life is possible.