The past few weeks, heck the past couple of months feel like a blur. At times I felt that I was operating on autopilot, just getting through the task at hand in order to cross if off of my To Do list so I could then move onto the next thing. I would wake up in the morning confused about what day of the week it was and only knowing what needed to take place that day. Friends would ask for a coffee date in the next few days and for me it was too hard to think that far away. Now that I am swimming out of that madness and I am getting back on track with me, with myself and all that is going on in the inside, it feels good. And it is bringing me back to what is important to me and my life.
Last night I sat in a circle lead by Shawna Turner. The talk was about mindfulness that then evolved into discussing femininity. We were eight people, most of whom didn’t know one another and yet we shared and talked about these profound things. About the state of the world. About how we can work to change it. Mindfulness is such a buzzword these days. It’s cool to be mindful! But yet, I’m not sure if most people understand the practise of mindfulness. Of slowing down. Of sitting in that gap between an incident and your reaction to it. Of choosing how to react. How to feel. Letting go of judgement and past feelings that cloud this reaction. To be present right now. I rode home from that circle feeling good. Good about myself and this world, even if just the little part of it that is mine.
Today I had lunch with a friend. She is seventy-one and we met at the insistence of our mutual friend Katie. This woman has lived a ton of lives in her lifetime and she continues to do so. When most people would crumble, she instead stands tall. Because she is not afraid to face the hurdles that rise in front of her. She works through them. She looks for reason and acceptance and understanding. For two hours we talked about real life things. From the second she sat down, we were navigating deep within them. And it felt so good. To talk about the hard things. To navigate through them. To listen. And to be heard.
These real conservations feel so good. They are so good for us. They are essential to our being. Releasing these words, our anxieties, our fears, our dreams, allows us to free up the weight. To sleep better at night. To live a fuller life. I am grateful for having the capacity, the vulnerability for these conversations. I am grateful that I surround myself with likeminded individuals. Ones that aren’t fearless or fearful of the truth, but ones who know that we need to face it in order to live a fuller, more honest and truthful life. A lot of times these conversations are difficult. Man alive, are they ever hard. Feeling like a deep, dark pit in your tummy. But holy cow, what an incredible feeling it is afterwards.